I get a lot of emails from spouses who are pretty sure that their spouse is cheating on them (and some of them even have a small amount of proof), but when they attempt to confront their spouse about the infidelity, the spouse who is suspected of cheating will shut these accusations down in a variety of ways. The most common way is to angrily deny anything and then to try to turn the accusations around. You might hear things like: "how could you even ask things like that?:" or "are you sure that it's not you who is trying to hide something?:" or "if you keep this up, I am going to want to cheat!"
Occasionally, the spouse will respond with patience and will calmly tell you that you have nothing to worry about, but often their patience runs thin and even the most patient spouses will eventually become angry and defensive with their assertions that you are just paranoid, trying to see problems where none exist, and are just making trouble when you don't need to. They may well have success with this where you try to forget your suspicions, but often something else will come up that brings this back to the forefront. How should you handle a spouse who keeps denying that they are cheating when you feel sure that they are? The following article will offer tips and advice that may help.
Look At It Objectively And Ask Yourself What Makes You Think They Are Cheating: In evaluating this, it's important to try to take the emotion out of it. I know that this is easier said then done, but it's important. Try to set aside a time when you can be calm and rational. Now, ask yourself if you would still feel this way and have these suspicions if things were going great in other areas of your life. Is at all possible that you are projecting insecurities about other things onto your relationship?
If you are not sure, then let's take this a step further. Take a piece of paper and make an objective list of all of the things that make you suspect them of cheating. List everything even if you think that this is silly. Then, set the list a aside for a few hours and take a break from this. Later, come back and try to look at the list objectively and ask yourself if a friend had made the list and then showed it to you, would you come to the same conclusions?
If you come away from this exercise only more sure that they are cheating, then you have a few choices to make, which I will discuss below.
What's Your Next Step When You Know That They Are Cheating But They Are Still Denying It?: You're now at the point where you have a choice to make. You've already confronted them and they've denied it. I have to tell you that continuing on with your accusations isn't likely to get the admission that you are after. I have seen this happen too many times (and it almost always follows the same path) to think any differently.
So often, your energies are better spent coming up with answers on your own than trying to trick, convince, or force them to tell you the truth. You will often come to a point where you have to decide how far you want to take this and if you are prepared to really handle the truth. Many people really just want for their partner to admit to the cheating while they beg for forgiveness and fall over themselves with apologies.
When this doesn't happen, people often aren't sure that to do. And many people are quite hesitant at the idea of following up on their suspicions. This is going to be individual. Sometimes you will decide to back off, but then the frustration and anger begins to build up again, so that you very much resent being lied to, and you then decide that you want to take action. Sometimes, you decide that you want to let it go for now.
It's my opinion, from personal experience, that you've better off finding out the truth on your own than depending on faulty information from someone who has already lied to you. I advocate taking control and getting the information that you need, although I often stop short of recommending a face to face confrontation between your partner and the person he is cheating with. This often does not turn out as well as you had hoped. They will often just be angry and defensive rather than apologetic.
Instead, I think that it is better to get the tools that you need to find out the answers for yourself. And often, these answers are right under your nose. They are on their cell phone, their computer, and on other gadgets that they carry around with them. Even if they've deleted or protected this information, there is software that can make it retrievable. In this way, you have the best of both worlds. You get your answer and you will have proof that they can't deny. So they will often, quite reluctantly, give you the admission that you want without needing to have a very painful face to face meeting with the other person.
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